Mindful Kids

Sometimes, when I talk to people about mindfulness and meditation, they believe it to be mostly about sitting still, clearing the mind and breathing. Whilst there is a fair amount of this type of activity involved, there is a greater, far more rewarding experience to be had by learning a range of mindful and meditative techniques.
Teaching kids mindfulness is great fun and incredibly rewarding, especially with younger children: they tend to be naturally brilliant at living in the present, as many a parent will tell you when they're in a hurry and their 6 year old is walking painfully slowly, taking their time and whole happy selves to experience the teeny, tiny baby snail making its way along the wall, leaving its thin slimy silvery trail as it goes; or the twenty zillion cracks in the pavement that they absolutely must NOT step on otherwise they'll marry a rat; the spectacularly beautiful stone (that, which looks to the grown-up like it might be a piece of cement that's crumbled out of a brick wall) that they must take home with them as it is so precious and magical - does this sound familiar to you? How much time do you indulge in your child to experience this, even if you're in a hurry? How often do you tell your child to walk sensibly - instead of allowing them to tip-toe along the pavement, to prevent their prophesy of impending marital doom? Think of it another way - by doing so, it could be that they're saving you the heartache of waving them off to the wedded-stress of marrying someone with rodent behavioural tendencies...
I've been teaching mindfulness to children for 4 or 5 years now, and have found many different activities which promote the important neuroplasticity and cognitive changes over a period of time. Young children often benefit from physical activities as a way of burning off excess energy, to release stress and anxieties, and can often make some space in their present moment for focusing on their thoughts, feelings and physical sensations, using a range of child-friendly techniques. One of my preferred ways of helping my own children is through cooking, because it is great for mindfully considering food provenance, how the food is metabolised by their body, marvelling at the wonder of how their body does this without them even noticing; it also fosters the all-important connection with my children, as we have fun together, learn together, help each other, and give space for them to share their feelings, worries, concerns. It's also really good for developing collaborative working, sharing responsibility, growth mindset, and more. Making pasta, as shown in the photo above, was experimental, funny, annoying and tasty, but more than this they fully experienced their senses, mindfully working through the process. A very mindful process, we even synched our breath with the turning of the handle to press the pasta through to see if we could make our breath as long as our pasta - which got longer each time! Of course it was almost impossible to do, but it was a way of allowing the children to be aware of their breath and how they could change the length of the breath in and out.
So if you're keen to teach your child meditation, try different ways in which you can experiment with the activities you choose. Remember to practise meditation yourself, so that you can feel the benefits, too.

Nikki Harman is a Connected Kids™ mindfulness tutor and trainer; and also teaches adults mindfulness. Nikki is a member of the International Meditation Teacher Association (IMTA) as an approved trainer provider; and is also a registered nurse working within the NHS.
www.innerspaceproject.com

teach mindfulness meditation in hospitals!

I believe that we are in the midst of a changing culture within the NHS. At work, I see burnt-out staff, stress levels as high as ever and clinicians struggling at times to deliver the care they really want to give to their patients. At the same time I see a high demand of patients who are urgently in need of care, but are also sometimes not prepared to take ownership of their health. Some see that it is up to the NHS to "fix" them. This belief contributes to the pressures the NHS faces and so it sometimes appears to resemble a tug-of-war between staff and patients set within the political arena, stoked up by the media and fanned by disillusionment, thereby increasing frustration and stress within the workforce and fear and unrealistic expectations from patients. This has to change in order for the NHS to survive into the future. Notice I am not going to get into the politics, here - that's for another post! :)
For me, as a nurse and as a mindfulness coach, I want to help facilitate positive change within the clinical environment. I passionately believe that teaching staff to connect with themselves through mindfulness meditation will benefit not only the individual, but their colleagues and the patients, too. Teaching mindfulness meditation to patients to help them with anxiety, pain, phobias or other emotions in a clinical environment could have far-reaching benefits for them and create a different atmosphere at ward level, which will have a positive effect on others.
I have written a one-day course as part of my Connected Kids™ training for healthcare workers who work with children in the clinical setting (ward, outpatients, theatres). This course will teach staff about mindfulness, meditation, how to apply to their practice as a tool for implementing care and will teach them how to write and deliver their own scripts to their patients.
If you are interested, please get in touch with me at innerspaceproject1@gmail.com.
Please do share with your NHS friends, family and colleagues!

"Me" Time

January has been a hard month. Cancer has affected many of us in different ways. It is almost impossible to not hear this word being spoken, sworn at, whispered, cried over, mourned over, or feared. January, it seems, has been the month that has proclaimed the word over and again; the bitter wind bringing the disease sailing into the conciousness of millions, not just in the public domain, but for those who have lost friends or relatives, too, for those who have been diagnosed, for those who care for others. 

If you have cancer, as a nurse, I can help you with your pain. I can help you feel comfortable. I can listen to you, advise you, find further sources of help for you. I can hold your hand, I can make you laugh. I can let you cry and shed your tears. I don't judge you. I hear you, I'm here for you.

From my experience as a nurse, friend, or relative of someone with cancer, I feel that it is a deeply intense, personal experience to those who are going through it. To me, it seems that life for them has taken on a new meaning. Time seems to change, either slowing down or speeding up. It seems that suddenly, life doesn't "fit" in the way it did, before. 

So as a mindfulness tutor with adults and children, I find that life takes on a new meaning for those who begin to practise mindfulness in their day. Each person takes on a new, deeper, or perhaps even lighter view of the everyday. For anyone going through the stages of dealing with cancer, I perceive it to be this way, too, although with a more tangible, emotionally-attached experience. Everybody has their own way of handling their diagnosis and treatments, as it's whatever feels right for them that is important. Sometimes people don't always know what to feel or do; they see how people change towards them when they tell others about their diagnosis;some they lose as friends, others rally round and gather close. Some just want to be living as normally and fully as possible. 

If you have cancer, the following is for you. Please note that this is a general mindfulness and meditation, and certainly not designed to "fix" you, but for you to give yourself the love and attention you deserve. Be gentle with yourself, and feel the strength in your life.

If you would like a session with me either 1:1 or over Skype, it will be much more specific and tailored to you. Please also consider writing a journal after you do these activities, as it can help you work things through.

For the next week, when you wake up, lie quietly in your bed for a few minutes, and try the following:

·        Focus on your physical sensation – how do you feel?

·        What are your first thoughts?

·        What do you see around you?

·        What emotions are you feeling?

When you have considered these, then take a few moments to practice being in the present:

·        Acknowledge any physical sensations

·        Accept your first thoughts, thank your mind for showing them, and then focus your mind on the very moment you are in (i.e. I am lying in bed, I am warm, I am getting ready to sit up and get out of bed)

·        What can you hear? Try focussing on one sound, preferably one that doesn’t invoke feelings of anxiety or stress!

Next, sit on the edge of the bed:                                                                                                                   

·        Place your feet firmly on the floor, giving you a sense of feeling grounded, or connected to the moment

·        Sit with the spine straight, but not rigidly

·        Take a slow, deep breath in. Breathe into your abdomen. Breathe out slowly through your mouth. Take several slow, deep breaths (but don’t make yourself dizzy!)

·        Rub your hands together, place them over your eyes, feel the warmth from your hands, the tingling on your palms

·        Rub and pat your arms, feeling the tingling sensations. Repeat with your legs

·        Feel the sensations of being “in the moment”

Finally, when you have completed the exercise, say to yourself “I am grateful for being in this present moment, I am calm, I am grounded, and I have connected with myself”. Then, as you stand up, stretch, smile, and start your day!

Here is an exercise to try either during or after treatment:

Begin by sitting or lying comfortably. You may wish to close your eyes, or you can keep them open, focusing on an object or image in front of you, or gaze out of the window.

As you take your next breath in, have a curiosity about how the breath travels into your lungs, and leaves again. Be aware of your breath, taking it slowly and slightly deeper into your lungs, all the way down into your abdomen. Be aware of your shoulders, allow them to relax, lengthening the distance between them and your ears.

After a few breaths, take your awareness to your feet, and as you breathe in, scrunch your toes tight, and relax them as you breathe out. As you take your next breath in, tense your calf muscles, relaxing them as you breathe out. As you move up your body with your breath, be aware of how each part of your body is feeling. If there is pain or tension, breathe into it, hold the breath for a few moments, and then blow or "huff" the breath out, either slowly or quickly, depending on what you would prefer. Move up the body as you feel able, until you reach your forehead. Frown on your breath in, and relax as you breathe out.

Now spend a few moments breathing normally, feeling the chair, floor or bed supporting the weight of your body as you relax into it. Is there anywhere that feels uncomfortable or painful? If there is, try to focus on the area. Be aware of the sensation and feel of the area. Try not to tense up, but remain as relaxed as you can, whilst accepting the sensations. Imagine a colour - it could be any colour you like - see it as a fine, gentle mist, slowly coming into the area you are focusing on, and absorbing into your body. Perhaps it feels warm, or cool, bubbly or fizzy - let it happen without thinking about it. As it moves into your body, see the mist as engulfing the pain or sensation, and gently dissolving it, melting it, or consuming it, somehow. The mist becomes denser. like a fog, then lifts itself out of your body, and drifts away. Notice if you feel any different, now.

Next, imagine the warm sun is shining on you. You can feel the rays on your body. See these rays as coming into your body, lighting up every cell in your body with golden sunshine. Imagine each cell has a smiley face, so that you are filled up with happy faces and a warm glow! Enjoy the peace of this moment, for a while.

When you are ready, take a few deeper breaths into your abdomen. Feel the chair, floor or bed beneath you, and wriggle your toes and fingers. When you feel ready, rub your hands briskly together to generate heat and warmth, and place over your eyes. Blink into the warmth, and then, when you feel ready, open your eyes and feel yourself back in your room. Bring your feet to the floor and feel the connection between your feet and the earth.

Namaste,

Nikki Harman

innerspaceproject.com

innerspaceproject1@gmail.com

Eat, Enjoy, Live

How often do you hear your children asking for a mobile phone/tablet/new trainers or other highly-desired items? 

How do you respond? Do you ever ask them to consider why they feel they "need" it, or to consider the difference between a want and a need? It could stem from a need to fit in with their peers, to be liked, and to be accepted by others, which are all vital to our sense of self. So if you are feeling the pressure but feel that they are too young or not yet able to take responsibility for these status symbols, how do you teach them to understand?

Each time I feel that my children are asking for something they don't need but want, in order to fulfil their sense of self, I remind them of an analogy I developed with them: see your life as being like a big, best quality chocolate bar, wrapped in shiny paper. 

You carefully take off the layer and look at the beautiful, complete bar of chocolate. Then you decide how you would like to eat it. 

Which would be better: to pick up the chocolate, bite into it and eat the whole lot, and then feel full, sick, and sad that it is all gone? 

Or enjoy a small square at a time, savouring each mouthful, experiencing it piece by piece and happily admiring the taste, smell, feel and sight? 

So do you want everything right now - to consume what you have - and then get to a point where you are left wanting more? 

Or would you like to enjoy your life piece by piece, moment by moment, taking in the scenery, sights, emotions, experiences and the beauty of life, savouring each moment and evolving into the person you are?

Live in the moment, and enjoy each and every day!

Photo:Nikki Harman - Chocolate from Chococo, Swanage

Releasing Anger, Sadness or Fears With Children

Sometimes I find myself telling my children to “calm down” when they’re upset or crying. When I do, I remind myself that they might not want to be calm. They might be feeling so totally overwhelmed by their worries, anger, fear, sadness, that calming down is the last thing they want to do.
Sometimes, it’s easier to let them release everything by having a really good cry. Crying releases a stress hormone called cortisol, which is contained in tears, so this can be a great stress-reliever.

Mindful activities which aim to release emotions are a healthy way of allowing a child to express themselves, especially if they can’t articulate these feelings to others.

This evening I took my restless children for a walk along the beach. We all collected sand to form into a ball, whilst focusing our emotions into the shape forming in our hands.

Then we stood at the edge of the water, and told all of our worries, sadness and any anger to the ball of sand. As we threw the sand as hard and as far as we could into the sea, we shouted into the cool sea air, releasing and letting go of everything we had been holding inside. Then we asked the sea to dissolve the sand balls and anger, washing away the feelings we didn’t want to hold on to, anymore. We all felt better for doing so…I recommend this activity for the whole family, not just children, as I felt the benefits, too! Don’t worry if you’re not by the sea – you could do something similar with a pebble into a river or a lake, or even throw a pair of socks against the bedroom door! Safely channelling anger and difficult emotions can be far healthier than holding it all in, when trying to be “calm” is the opposite of how a child may want to feel.

Many Hands Make Light Work

I visited the Science Museum with my children, a few months ago. Whilst there, we spent a long time in The Launchpad zone, where they joined in with with lots of other children playing on the Big Machine .

Out of all the interactive exhibits in the Launchpad, the Big Machine was the equivalent of bees around a honey-pot: children of all ages crowded around in a hands-on display using the pulley, lever, screw, wheel and axle and wedge to move the plastic lentil shapes (or seeds, as the children were calling them) from one part of the machine to the other.

It was as fascinating for me to watch, as it was for the children to be playing. I watched as the older children gravitated towards the pulley, where they were tall enough to use it; whilst the younger children gathered up the seeds to put into the “plughole” for the next child to turn the corkscrew to drive the seeds up to the wheel.

Sometimes they worked together; at other times there was conflict over who got to operate the most popular parts of the machine.

These are my mindful, bigger-picture observations of the children at work:

* There was no exclusivity over who could join in. All were accepted into the game without hesitation

* When faced with conflict, there was no adult intervention to resolve – the older children delegated roles to the younger children and they in turn accepted the direction

* Each child knew what their role was

* All of the children could understand what their role was in the bigger picture

* The children knew that their role was as important as the others in creating the bigger picture

* The children took turns; there was also an unspoken, non-negotiated swapping of tasks throughout, as their interest piqued in each part of the machine and moved on to the next part of the task

* The children were connected with each other and knew that they could not work the whole of the machine by themselves

As I pondered on these observations, I was able to see a comparison between how children work together, and the roles communities bring for one another; to compare how communities work together and the roles the natural world around us have in order to maintain balance and flow as well as structure. We know that communities working together bring benefits for everyone involved; we know that the insect and plant world work closely together and have an effect on the environment around it; we know how the sun – our greatest energy source – provides everything for us in one way or another and that we rely on every aspect of its energy supply to maintain life on earth.

So Connection is the key. We are all connected with each other and with the environment around us. If one system isn’t working properly, it has an effect on those around it.

The children in the Launchpad who were lost in their own world of imagination and discovery demonstrated this beautifully. I felt humbled to witness the perfection of that moment, as a mindful observer.

Five Mindful Activities To Do With Your Child

It was a Sunday afternoon. My children were feeling out of sorts for a number of reasons. My son, age 6, was upset and angry. My daughter, age 10, was feeling tired and emotional. I spent time with each of them, comforting them and hugging them, listening to them explaining their feelings, and helping them make sense of themselves. This went on for some time, with my son being particularly upset. After a while, I decided it would be a good idea to change the pitch, a little. So I suggested they make some tray cake, which they love doing. My son, who still felt upset and frustrated, got to work on demolishing a packet of digestive biscuits – first of all bashing them with a rolling pin (the big heavy one, not the smaller pastry one!), then breaking the broken biscuits down into smaller pieces with his hands. My daughter enjoyed melting the chocolate, with the added bonus of being able to lick the bowl clean afterwards.

This activity was more than just a distraction for my tired, upset and emotional children. It was a mindful process for both of them. They were each able to quietly think about what was upsetting them, releasing their feelings and frustrations in a way that wasn’t destructive for them or anyone around them, without overtly paying attention to them – being self-judgemental – enjoying the process and sensations, with the end result of something tasty to eat. Exploring feelings in this way removes an expectation from the adult, that the child will communicate their feelings, or “calm down” – something I find myself saying a lot to my children, but try to avoid – why should they inhibit their own feelings because it isn’t convenient for the adult? Children can learn to self-regulate in other ways, and should be encouraged to find soothing methods in a safe, supervised way.

By the time the tray cake had been placed into the fridge to chill, my son felt calm and happier. He expressed his upset, saying that he still felt some sadness about the original reason, but instead of internalising it, he had expressed it verbally, then worked his way through his feelings by banging the rolling pin, squashing biscuits, stirring up and laying the mix out in front of him to see. He actually gave a big, ragged sigh as he finished adding the mix to the tray, showing he was releasing his frustrations. A mindful activity for an active mind.

Here are five activities to try with your child when they are feeling emotional, frustrated, or finding something difficult to express. You should be with your child to support them in a non-judgemental, loving way. Most importantly, you know your child better than anyone, so choose an activity with them that you know will be enjoyable and rewarding for both of you.

1. Making Bread

As I described above, baking and cooking is great for releasing tensions and emotions. Bread-making can be so rewarding, as it is such a physically demanding, frustrating (sticky, messy) activity to do when kneading and rolling out the dough; then an act of patience whilst waiting for the dough to rise and prove; but the reward of the aroma of freshly-baked bread, the sight of the golden crust, followed by the wonderful taste of warm bread to share proudly with friends and family is a powerful visual evaluation for the child or teen – look what can be done when you concentrate on something, using the essential skills of persistence, patience and physical strength. A very symbolic, enjoyable activity.

2. Drawing

This picture was drawn by my son when he was feeling really upset (I should explain here that he did give me consent to use this photo here). I asked him to draw how he was feeling, because he was having trouble expressing his feelings and thoughts verbally. I left him at the kitchen table whilst I “pottered around” (i.e. keeping an eye from a respectable distance, to give him some space without feeling like he was being watched or judged). Initially, he drew the sad child, which was of himself. I then explained that I loved him and wanted to help him. Together we drew hearts around him, to show that the sad child was surrounded by lots of love, including, crucially, his own love, too. This might sound like new-age hippy stuff, but it is a powerful visual for a child. He was visibly reassured by this picture when we had finished. I have worked with children and their parents in this way, too – drawing out feelings, fears, even what their pain looks like – is a great way to communicate to the outside world their internal feelings, which can be very difficult for children and teens to articulate. Drawing after practising the body-scan technique, used in mindfulness to tap into and be aware of how the body feels in a non-judgemental way, can be used, too. Adults can also do this.

3. Mindful Eating

Place a few bowls containing a range of different foods (preferably foods your child likes, but also place something they may have never tried, in a bowl, too) on the table and spend some time trying them with your child. You could try tasting the food using all the senses to start with. If my children are trying something for the first time, I guide them to experience it in this order:

1. Look at it. What does it look like? (be prepared for them to say “yucky” or something similar, but don’t dwell on that, just accept their judgement without judging them)

2. Touch it. What does it feel like? Be prepared for a similar answer as above, but also ask them to come up with some descriptive analysis!

3. Smell it. Ask the child to hold it to their nose and take in a big breath to smell. Ask them if it smells different when they close their eyes

4. Lick it. Ask the child to lick the food as if it were an ice lolly – can they taste any differences on the different parts of the tongue?

5. Bite it. Watch their reactions, and then ask them what they can taste.

6. Eat it! If they don’t like it, let them spit it out again, and praise them for following the steps above – it’s a big achievement for some children, so avoid drawing attention to the spitting out part if they didn’t like it – it can take anumber of attempts at trying a new food before a child realises they like it.

For older children and teens, exploring the ideas of how a fruit was grown, harvested and then arrived at the kitchen table is another form of mindful eating

4. Create an intention box

In our house we created this box, and filled it with our own intentions. We thought about what we’d like to achieve in any given day, and wrote them down. We thought of the kinds of things we know well and love to do, as well as things we don’t always enjoy so much but know are important for us. We also thought about things we’d like to do if we felt brave enough. The intentions are just that: the important thing to remember is that it is something the child “intends” to do, but is not obligated or forced to do it. It is designed to motivate a child to do something if they feel they want to/feel brave to try something new, or wants a focus for their day.

Examples include:

Today I will have an extra glass of water

Today at school I will offer play with someone I don’t know very well (to make a new friend)

Today I will try my best

Today I will be brave

At the end of the day, we sit down together and talk about how we got on. I pick out a card, too. It’s not always easy! But the idea is that it sets some focus on the day, places an intention – not an expectation – and it is then up to the individual to explore how or if they meet their intention, knowing that there is no judgement of the self or from others, regardless of how they got on.

5. Relax

Spending time doing nothing can be difficult as an adult, as well as for a child. But it is a great mindful activity to be able to lie down, and observe thoughts as they come and go. Learning to detach an expectation (judgement) of ourselves once the thought has entered our minds is a skill known as open monitoring meditation. If you were to lie on a warm patch of grass on a sunny day and watch the clouds go by, after a while you are likely to find your mind drifting, with different thoughts entering your head. With open monitoring, your thoughts are like the clouds, whereby you observe them, then watch them passing over you. We are so used to having our minds full of things we need to/should be doing, with the judgement and expectations of ourselves to fulfill these thoughts. In open monitoring, the expectation and judgement is suspended. Allowing children to have the free space and time to do this is vital, especially when it comes to exams or school pressures. If you do this with your child, don’t expect them to lie perfectly still! Let them fidget, move around the floor, sit up/lie down – this is a way of expending extra pent-up energy. If they are particularly fidgety, you could try doing some star-jumps or push-ups before lying down, even create a designated “den” or “quiet space” for them to go to when they have finished jumping around. Make it a technology-free space though – for you and your child.

Nikki Harman is a Connected Kids tutor who works with children and adults, teaching mindfulness and meditation. Contact Nikki at innerspaceproject1@gmail.com for more information or to book a session.

Muuum, I Can't Sleep!

“Muuum, I can’t sleep!”
I’m sure every parent in the land hears that at some point. It’s easy to get frustrated when repeated efforts to get your child to stay in bed and go to sleep fail. But how do you feel if you have a hard time getting to sleep? The chances are that your child is feeling the same way.
If all attempts to get your child to doze off fail, ask your child if there’s something on their mind they’d like to talk about. Sometimes it might be a repetitive thought, word, song or an event that had occurred during the day, which your child might, for whatever reason, be struggling to let go of. At night, we are most receptive to our thoughts (positive and negative) because things are generally calmer and quieter. Writing stuff down in the form of to “to-do” lists, journaling or even sketching can help adults, so if your older child is really struggling, why not ask them to write all their “inside words” on a piece of paper or draw what’s on their mind, then place it in a box, or fold it and put away to read another time?
Once this has been done, deliberately soften your voice and talk slowly, to help your child hear the relaxed tone in your voice (as frustrating as you might find it that you want to get on and do your own thing when your child is in bed, shouting at them will be counter-productive and you will be in your child’s room for longer, or they will become more unsettled). Asking them to lie in the bed and get cosy and snuggle conjures up images that the child is likely to respond to. Then ask them to breathe in and out slowly, have a big yawn to let any excess energy go, and ask them to count their breaths back from 5 to 0, relaxing different parts of their body as they go (you will need to adjust this depending how old your child is).
It’s also important to tap in to how you are feeling, being present in your mind and acknowledging your own feelings to release. Sometimes we have to forgo our own needs to help our children, as hard to accept as that might be. Having spent years of “shh-pat-ting” my babies and toddlers (and tweenager!) to sleep, I know how hard it can be to stay calm and not allow frustration to get the better of me when I haven’t stopped all day and want to relax. But as the saying goes: “this too shall pass!” Here is some useful information about helping children sleep

What are your mindful, gentle tips for helping your child get to sleep?

I teach children mindfulness and meditation. Please contact me to book a session or to find out more. Innerspaceproject1@gmail.com

Pressure

Imagine the scene: You are out shopping with your young children. You are in a busy shopping centre: it’s 2pm on Christmas eve; it seems as though the whole world is within the confines of the hot, crowded space. People are jostling around you; conversations heard between one person and the next as you pass echo the thoughts in your head: “I still need to buy 3 more presents, I also need to get sprouts and toilet roll and I’ve only got an hour before the stores close”.

You feel hungry and thirsty but you don’t have time to stop. Your children are over-excited, and aren’t listening to you as you instruct them to stay with you, so you are constantly keeping an eye on them. They frequently stop to look at shop windows, fully-laden with enticing-looking toys designed for maximum pester-power. One child points at something and asks if they can have it. When you say “No” a fresh round of questions and pleading ensues. Meanwhile, the swirl of shoppers around you distracts you from your other child, who has been swept along somewhere. You can no longer see them. Heavily laden with bags, you grab the child who is still pleading for a toy, as you feel the mounting panic reach maximum. You have lost your child in the busy shopping centre on Christmas eve.

How do you feel?

Imagine that…

…You feel hot and sweaty.

…You feel dizzy and your mouth is dry.

…You start shaking.

…You can hear a buzzing in your ears. Your head is throbbing.

…Your arms feel weak with fear and the weight of the bags you are carrying. Your legs seem to have turned to jelly.

You can hear yourself shouting your child’s name, but the noise around you and the sound of the buzzing in your ears begins to drown out other sounds.

You must find your other child.

You feel the panic rising in your chest and stomach.

As you look frantically around you, you catch sight of your crying child just ahead of you, being comforted by a stranger. You run to them, grab your child and hug them in relief. You thank the stranger, who leaves you to join the swirl of the crowd.

How do you feel now, and what do you do next?

OK, so this is an extreme scenario, but I designed it to give you a chance to really feel the physical effects of what you were asked to imagine. Did you feel any of the effects? Well, I can tell you that if you felt any of the panic or fear rising within you during the scenario, then it is possible that you can just as easily feel relaxed and calm if you were to imagine a different scenario:

Begin by sitting comfortably. Place your hand on your tummy. Close your eyes, or focus on something directly in front of you. Notice your breathing, and after a few breaths, take the breath deeper into your lungs, down towards your hand. Feel the hand moving outwards as you fill your lungs with air. As you let the breath out, don’t force it, just allow it to happen. Wait for the next breath to come in, slow and lengthen it as you take it to your tummy.

Now imagine It is a sunny day in the park or in your garden. You are standing barefoot on some lush, green, warm grass. You can feel the blades of grass between your toes. The warmth of the grass permeating the soles of your feet. The ground is supporting your feet as you are standing still, listening to the sounds of birds in the trees, the gentle rustling of leaves in the warm summer breeze, bees nearby humming as they pass from flower to flower. The warmth of the grass on your feet as you stand still and listen. The warmth of the sun around you gently blessing your skin with a relaxing touch that reassures you that all is well in this moment.

Imagine that warmth throughout your body. Sit quietly and soak it up for a few minutes.

Then, when you are ready, take a few deeper breaths and say to yourself “all is well with me right now” before you open your eyes. Smile to yourself.

How do you feel now? I must say at this point that if you found this harder than the stressful scenario, don’t worry! The chances are, that if you are affected by stress, it is because your brain expects stress and responds more readily than the measures you can take to feel the opposite.

That’s why regularly taking some time out to meditate can have a beneficial effect on the brain. When we feel stressed, our body releases stress hormones which causes our heart to beat faster, our breath to become shallow and fast, and our blood pressure to increase. Focusing on the breath and being “in the moment” has been shown to reduce blood pressure. Another study showed how meditating before a stressful event had a beneficial effect on stress levels, even in those who had never practised before. And if you are a multi-tasker, frequently changing tacks increases stress levels, but one study showed that meditating decreased stress and increased effectiveness of tasks with increased concentration levels, as well.

My post from yesterday explained how to differentiate between a healthy state of mind, to recognising the need to reset before reaching panic mode, or hitting the emergency button.

So here are just a few benefits of practising mindfulness and meditation. A key to success is finding what works for you, as there are so many different disciplines. As a nurse I am using meditation techniques with my patients in various situations to help them, with interesting and positive results. I can also vouch for myself as a practitioner of mindfulness and meditation – from boiling an egg, to running up a hill or overcoming insomnia, there is a place for these techniques in many aspects of life – with great results!

Nikki Harman is a nurse working in the NHS; and mindfulness and meditation tutor to adults and children. Contact innerspaceproject1@gmail.com for more information about courses or sessions either face to face or over Skype.

MIndful NHS

I have been practising mindfulness techniques in my work as a nurse in the clinical environment for a while, now. I am finding it works well. So much so, that I am beginning to measure its effectiveness and outcome in my patients. I have also run some introductory mindfulness sessions for staff, to help them de-clutter for a while before heading back into their work. I am keen on developing this much further: I have so many ideas to put into practice. Models and clinical plans to develop, deliverable in a variety of methods. I am so excited about what I can do. But I need investment. The NHS, as we all know, is in a critical period, with a possible £2.5bn deficit looming over the nation’s health service. I am so passionate about what mindfulness can do to help patients and staff, and how it can help improve the service at national and local level.
So it was exciting to read how doctors should be taught mindfulness during their training. As someone who knows the NHS from the inside, works with a variety of patients and has undertaken mindfulness training, I couldn’t agree more. The all-party parliamentary group on well-being economics recognise a need to train doctors (and teachers) in mindfulness. But it needs proper investment, it needs to be done carefully, considerately; and with the patient and staff’s best interests at heart. I believe I am able to deliver training and support to both staff and patients. I’m chomping at the bit to get going on this project, knowing that my methods have shown positive results; and that staff need the help to deal with the workload and manage stress every day. Mental health and mindfulness is the tip of the iceberg: I want to embed mindfulness into NHS culture. There is so much potential here, who can afford to ignore it?

Nikki Harman is a mindfulness tutor to adults and children; and a nurse who works in an acute NHS trust in England. All enquiries to innerspaceproject1@gmail.com

Heart Box

I am having something of a parental re-vamp, at the moment. There have been a lot of changes at home, lately, bringing with them a number of challenges. It's OK to have these challenges in life, I think, but I want to be conscious of my parenting by being able to connect with my children as much as I can, in order to understand them. I want them to understand their own feelings.

That said, they are pretty good at being able to articulate their thoughts and fears. "I just don't know how to work this out" was a tearful remark made by my 5 year-old son, recently. This sentence stung my heart, because I could totally feel his pain and confusion in the midst of all these changes we are going through. I don't expect him to be able to "work this out"; I don't expect him to be able to process this all like an adult; I do expect wobbles and tears and fears and that is why I am doing my best to be able to keep this line of communication open, for my children to know that they can talk to me about their feelings; and for them to know that their feelings are completely valid and acceptable.

I want them to know that I know it's hard for them and that I am trying to make things better for them. I hope that I am, because I don't think I can try any harder than what I'm already doing.

Part of the work I have been doing in the schools I did some sessions with, involved choosing one of the printed intentions I'd organised. Intentions are sentences or themes which inspire the child (or member of staff) and can choose to follow each day. They select a sentence out of the box, and decide whether or not they are going to go ahead with it. It is a voluntary thing, but the idea is to practice mindfulness using this intention as they go about their day. My aim is for the individual to reach the end of the school day, and think, "yes, I achieved this" when they reflect back on their activities, conversations, lessons, and feelings. Reflection is a mindful activity in itself, and good practice in which to be thankful for ourselves and others, and think about how to modify any behaviours that the individual wishes to change - or to be able to simply identify a need to modify a behaviour/thought/intention etc - for the better.

I decided that today I would bring this into my home, because it gives us all a focus. It gives each of us a chance to not only pick an intention at the beginning of the day, but to re-connect with each other at the end of the day at our evening meal, give each other support, praise, encouragement and reflect together. My aim is that this will bring us closer together as a family, to give recognition for each other's feelings, as well as reinforce and grow our love.

What do you think? How do you bring emotional development into your family? I'd love to know and learn from other's experiences, so please share! Thank you.

Fear-Less

One day, in the summer holidays, I took my five year-old swimming. He was under-confident and clung to me, having lost all the confidence he had gained in his swimming lessons, before the summer holidays began. Then the alarm for the 3-minute warning of the wave machine sounded. He panicked, began to shiver and asked me to take him out of the water.
"It's OK to be scared", I told him. He tried to pull me towards the shallow end, but I held him tightly, and stayed where we were. I decided to use this as a mindfulness opportunity. "I can feel how scared you are. What is it that worries you the most?" He replied, "being pushed over by the waves". So we had something to work on. "That's a possibility. You're scared of the danger, aren't you? That's OK, we can work with this, too. Are you still feeling really scared?" He nodded. "That's OK. But you know that right now, it is safe for you to feel scared, because I am here and I won't let you get into danger." He began to loosen his grip around me. I empathised with his feelings, naming his emotion (fear), and together we accepted the fear. As the wave machine began swirling the water around, he had already acknowledged that he was scared, accepted his emotions, and been given a safe space to experience it. When he accepted that his fear would not be realised, he relaxed a bit.
At this point, I moved a few paces deeper into the water, the waves colliding around us. He allowed me to do this, and I asked him how scared he was. "Not as much as I was" he said. Then he asked to get down and go under the water with me. We submerged ourselves for a few seconds, holding hands, before resurfacing. He was jubilant: "I did it!" He suddenly found his confidence, and he directed me to the shallow end, where we jumped over the waves together. His moment of fear in the past, replaced with fun and confidence.
I have used this sort of technique for all sorts of moments where fear is the thread of the situation. In all cases, once the fear has been acknowledged and accepted, the process of overcoming it can begin. Fear will remain as long as it is unexplained, or unidentified. By tapping into the fear and unravelling it, it can be overcome.