Human-Kind?

Last summer, I decided to spend some time really engaging in the world news. At the time, I read about the latest reports on what’s happening in ebola-hit countries; the conflict in Gaza; Syria; Ukraine and Russia; the misguided/greedy/clueless politicians around the world making decisions affecting their country and not listening the the masses;  the rising obesity, cancers, poverty, famine, the global economy; the death of Robin Williams. All of the above articles were interspersed with adverts trying to influence what car I should buy, what I should be wearing, where I should be holidaying, and how to be thin. There was the usual social commentary on facebook/twitter about the news. No wonder I’m feeling glum. In the time it’s taken me to even type this list, I’m feeling lower than before I started.

This can’t be how life is supposed to be…is it? Are we all hard-wired to strive for our own individual wants, over and above what others needs are? At what point did the human race move from looking after their basic needs – as being satisfactory to a happy life – to tearing apart someone else’s to satisfy one?

I know this is not the case: the outpouring of grief over Robin William’s apparent suicide was immense: why? Because he was a fantastically funny human being, who demonstrated his ultimate fragility. A fragility which exists inside all of us. His death struck a chord with many.

What’s happening in the middle east has its peaks and troughs in the world’s news stage. Last summer, it was a prominent news feature every day, but after a while it seemed to have less of an impact. I remember that whilst eating breakfast in a hotel dining room, the TV was showing the BBC news and weather. As the news items rolled, it reported the latest death toll of the Palestinians: nobody moved. Nobody watched the item. Heads remained down, whilst the dining room collective continued to eat their breakfast. A moment later, and the weather forecast came on the screen: heads swivelled to watch in anticipation of how hot it was going to be, and whether raincoat or sunscreen would be required, for the day. A hush fell in the room. As soon as the report had finished, people went back to eating. How can this be? Is this English-ness? Is this apathy? Is this a tolerance thing? Is it tolerable to hear how children are dying because of an arguement over land and religion as a means to power and control? I feel the answer to this is “yes” – because we are flooded with the news all the time. We are becoming hardened to war atrocities, because it is something happening far, far away, and it doesn’t affect us, at all. Does it?

You know what? It does! Why?

The fact that someone is more bothered about the weather in their town than fighting and killing going on in another part of the world, is a worrying symptom of how our societies are becoming disconnected with each other. My ability to continue to empathise and feel the need to help relies on my emotional intelligence, that which lights me up inside. How would I feel if I were in a refugee camp in Syria with my children? Not being able to go back to my home. How does it feel to be too scared to leave the house for fear of being raped, killed, or arrested? How does it feel to bury a child? How does it feel to lose everything in the blink of an eye? How does it feel if I forget my umbrella and it rains because I didn’t listen to the weather report that day? I get wet: so what?

The news this week that Jeremy Clarkson has been sacked from Top Gear despite a petition to reinstate him reached a million signatures, last week, has shown how the public can be motivated when they feel something is directly affecting them. One million people appear to condone a physical assault from one person; yet only 100,000 people signed a petition asking for world leaders to step in to help the refugees of Syria. What’s going on?! Does anyone else find this ever so slightly concerning? I understand that Syria is far away and Jeremy Clarkson is a public figure, but people are willing to ignore the finer, essential details in order to maintain the status quo?

The thing is, it seems that there are more people who are willing to loudly complain about getting wet before they go home to shower and change into something warm and dry, than those who are shouting about the injustice in the world, and who are prepared to hold out their hand to help a fellow human being. A disproportionate power, some of whom want to seek revenge and kill, in comparison to those who are prepared to connect with themselves and others, and find out what has made them feel that urge and make a change. That’s why we are all affected by apathy or a lack of empathy. I know that there are movements, campaigns, and positive ways in which social media is helping to influence societies and governments and those in power, but we need to make more of a connection with what’s going on in the world, and pay attention. We are all affected in some way by the actions of others.

I was waiting to pay for my food in the supermarket a while back, where the store is being refurbished. It was quite busy, and there was an older couple behind me getting really cross and complaining about having to wait to pay for their trolley full of items, despite a free till which was for “baskets only”. “So what?” I thought. “The man at the till is doing his job. There are a number of people walking around with baskets, and a larger number with trolleys stacked full of food”.

The woman started to raise her voice in annoyance at this, referring to the “stupid idiot” at the till who had refused  to serve her. I wondered whether the young assistant had heard her, and if so, how he would have felt to be insulted like this. I made eye contact with her. The woman continued to complain. I smiled as I listened, then said, “Ah well…never mind. Let it go! There are worse things going on in the world, right now! A few extra minutes queueing won’t do you any harm.” She stopped in her tracks, took a step back from me, then whispered, “You’re right. Of course not.” She was so wrapped up in her own head, thoughts, irritation, that everything else had become insignificant. But given an opportunity to see another view, she made a connection with her own feelings, and realised that it didn’t really matter, in the grand scheme of things. After I’d paid for my food, I went up to the woman, and wished her a lovely weekend. She smiled back at me and wished me the same. Ta-da! Connection made: spark turned into sparkle. Job done!

This is what this blog post is really about: taking a moment to step back from a situation and connect with your self. Just a moment to feel into what’s going on – go back to the “spark” – and decide whether it is a sparkle to light your inner glow (that which makes you shine and lights up those around you); whether that spark starts an unstoppable fire (that which provokes a sense of a need for revenge or retribution); or whether that spark should be extinguished before it causes any damage (the awareness of negative feelings and acknowledgement  before letting them go without consequence). And if it isn’t gonna make you shine brightly enough for others to see and share their light with yours, then don’t set the sparks off in the first place. As Ghandi said, “You must be the change you want to see in the world”.

The Mindfulness of Love

This post encourages you to ask yourself what love, in its implicit sense, means to you. Can love be implicit, or is it more fragmented, than that?

Suppose I declare: “I love chocolate”. But when I really think about it, it isn’t the chocolate I love: it’s the sugar rush I experience whilst eating it. It’s the moment I allow myself to sit quietly and relax whilst I am enjoying the sugar rush. It’s the reward I give myself, like I’ve given myself that permission to enjoy the chocolate. It isn’t the chocolate itself. This might be a different experience to the next person, but it is my perspective.

So do I love chocolate? Maybe; but not as much as I love listening to the radio on my way to work. But when I think about it, it isn’t the person on the radio or the music that I love, it’s the act of driving and being quiet that I love. It’s the time spent alone with my thoughts, peppered with music and conversation that I love.

So, do I love listening to the radio? Maybe; but not as much as I love running. I LOVE running. I have to run to feel human, again. Running gives me headspace, time to meditate, time to listen to the radio (and sometimes reward myself with a little chocolate, afterwards). Running makes me feel happy and relaxed.

Yes, I love running. But I love nursing, too: I love coming to work. Seriously, I do. It helps me forget about any negative stuff going on in my life; I get to meet all sorts of different people from all walks of life; to me, nursing is an art where it is a constant project of learning to understand others, help alleviate symptoms or pain, help to make someone better, as well as have the privilege of sharing some of the most personal experiences of someone’s life, with joy, happiness or sadness and grief. There is little in life more rewarding than seeing someone come into hospital ill and in need of help, and leave with a smile on their face, fit and ready to carry on with their life. It is the same with my reiki and my mindfulness work. I feel such gratitude and love for the work I am lucky enough to do – and be paid to do it!

I love my children. They are the biggest, most love-inducing, intoxicating part of my life. I live and breathe for them. I will walk to the ends of the earth and back for them. Who wouldn’t do the same for their own children? My children are funny, silly, clever, annoying, talented, argumentative and unconditionally loving towards me. No matter what mood I’m in, they can snap me into a smile just by the things they say or do. Their hugs, our chats, the singing and dancing, their little notes telling me “I love you” or  their paintings and drawings show me that I am so lucky to have them in my life. They love life from moment to moment and at full speed. My family and friends carry the same significance to me.

And finally, I love myself. There is nothing wrong with saying this. In fact it is crucial for the rest to fall into place. If I didn’t, I couldn’t enjoy and treasure everything that is my life. My life is made up of these loves and joys. If it wasn’t, I couldn’t be happy. If I didn’t love myself, I couldn’t love my life the way I do. I have my off days, I have the days when I have to search a bit deeper to find that love and joy, but it is always there. I believe that without that love for myself, other aspects in my life carry less meaning. I nurture myself and  others. It’s what I do. Nurturing the love within means that everything else can grow, too.

Heart Box

I am having something of a parental re-vamp, at the moment. There have been a lot of changes at home, lately, bringing with them a number of challenges. It's OK to have these challenges in life, I think, but I want to be conscious of my parenting by being able to connect with my children as much as I can, in order to understand them. I want them to understand their own feelings.

That said, they are pretty good at being able to articulate their thoughts and fears. "I just don't know how to work this out" was a tearful remark made by my 5 year-old son, recently. This sentence stung my heart, because I could totally feel his pain and confusion in the midst of all these changes we are going through. I don't expect him to be able to "work this out"; I don't expect him to be able to process this all like an adult; I do expect wobbles and tears and fears and that is why I am doing my best to be able to keep this line of communication open, for my children to know that they can talk to me about their feelings; and for them to know that their feelings are completely valid and acceptable.

I want them to know that I know it's hard for them and that I am trying to make things better for them. I hope that I am, because I don't think I can try any harder than what I'm already doing.

Part of the work I have been doing in the schools I did some sessions with, involved choosing one of the printed intentions I'd organised. Intentions are sentences or themes which inspire the child (or member of staff) and can choose to follow each day. They select a sentence out of the box, and decide whether or not they are going to go ahead with it. It is a voluntary thing, but the idea is to practice mindfulness using this intention as they go about their day. My aim is for the individual to reach the end of the school day, and think, "yes, I achieved this" when they reflect back on their activities, conversations, lessons, and feelings. Reflection is a mindful activity in itself, and good practice in which to be thankful for ourselves and others, and think about how to modify any behaviours that the individual wishes to change - or to be able to simply identify a need to modify a behaviour/thought/intention etc - for the better.

I decided that today I would bring this into my home, because it gives us all a focus. It gives each of us a chance to not only pick an intention at the beginning of the day, but to re-connect with each other at the end of the day at our evening meal, give each other support, praise, encouragement and reflect together. My aim is that this will bring us closer together as a family, to give recognition for each other's feelings, as well as reinforce and grow our love.

What do you think? How do you bring emotional development into your family? I'd love to know and learn from other's experiences, so please share! Thank you.

pill-popping or hearts and minds?

Today's news has included an article about a new pill for men and women who drink excessively, to help them reduce their alcohol intake. It has made the headlines and induced discussions in the media, with the slant of being a new "wonder-drug" that will help many people.

That's great, isn't it?

Yes, it is great,

I don't think there is anything wrong with taking medication. I am a nurse, so I spend a great deal of my time administering tablets, medicines, drips and antibiotics to help make the people I look after, better. This is fine.

But...

I do also feel that as a society, we are easily swayed by medications to combat illness. We are conditioned to believe that a pill will make everything better, again. I find myself telling my children that "this medicine will make you feel better", or telling my patient, "this tablet will take the pain away", or "this antibiotic will kill the bug you have". Yes, they may well do, and invariably, that is what happens.

But...

Why do we think that we are only capable of fixing ourselves with a pill? What is it about our fixation with medicines to cure all ills? As a nurse, if I have a patient who is agitated, anxious or confused, the planned route would be to speak to the doctor to get a tablet to calm the patient down.

But...

With increasing frequency, I am using mindfulness techniques in my clinical practice to help my patients. I have had some surprising and successful results, from children to the elderly; from the scared and confused to the acutely ill, climbing-the-walls-with-pain patients.
For example, about a year ago I did a shift in A&E and was looking after a very scared, confused elderly lady. She did not know she was in hospital, and was desperate to go home. She had fallen at home and was very unsteady on her feet in the department, which was dangerous because she repeatedly got up from her chair to try to find her way into the cold, wet morning in her dressing gown and slippers. I sat down with her, did some breathing and focusing work with her, and then did a 5-minute meditation with her. As she relaxed in her chair, she settled, and then dozed off! In the time it would have taken me to either speak to a doctor about getting something to make her less agitated, or tried to get her to sit in her chair by telling her where she was, what had happened to her, and answered the repeating questions, thereby increasing her agitated state, I had simply taught her to relax her body and her mind for long enough for her to fall asleep.

So...

It works! So much so, that I am taking this further, starting with teaching mindfulness and meditation to my colleagues and other staff at the trust I work in.

Coming back to the news today, though, makes me feel a slight disappointment. Not because I don't think the tablet will work, as it sounds very effective; but because it compounds the all-round belief that we can only be fixed with conventional medicine. It reinforces the increasing belief in our society that the NHS can be relied upon to fix everybody, and it increases the "clinical" perception that society's health can only be managed "clinically". We are generally losing our ability to see things more holistically, that there can be some other frameworks that support an individual to take better care of themselves, manage their existing conditions as a "bundle" of care rather than singularly; and that by teaching people to connect within to understand why, for example, they feel the need to drink 3 pints of beer a night, they might be able to reduce their intake and feel healthier as a result.

Spark or Sparkle? Get connected!

I've been reading the latest reports on what's happening in our world, this week. Ebola; the conflict in Gaza; Syria; Ukraine and Russia; misguided/greedy/clueless politicians around the world making decisions affecting their country and not listening the the masses; then there's the rising obesity, cancers, poverty, famine, the global economy; the death of Robin Williams. All of the above interspersed with adverts trying to influence what car I should buy, what I should be wearing, where I should be holidaying, and how to be thin. Social commentary on facebook/twitter about the above, and the radio making sure views are adhered to. Or to give people a chance to rant about a subject. No wonder I'm feeling glum. In the time it's taken me to even type this list, I'm feeling lower than before I started.
This can't be how life is supposed to be...is it? Are we all hard-wired to strive for our own individual wants, over and above what others needs are? At what point did the human race move from looking after their basic needs - as being satisfactory to a happy life - to tearing apart someone else's to satisfy one?
 I know this is not the case: the outpouring of grief over Robin William's apparent suicide has been immense, and why? Because he was a fantastically funny human being, who demonstrated his ultimate fragility. A fragility which exists inside all of us. His death has struck a chord with many.
What's happening in the middle east is becoming a prominent news feature every day, and as such is no longer hard-hitting. A couple of weeks ago, whilst eating breakfast in a hotel dining room, the TV was showing the BBC news and weather. As the news items rolled, it reported the latest death toll of the Palestinians: nobody moved. Nobody watched the item. Heads down, shovelling in their food. A moment later, and the weather forecast came on the screen: heads swivelled to watch in anticipation of how hot it was going to be, and whether raincoat or sunscreen would be required, for the day. A hush fell in the room. As soon as the report had finished, people went back to eating. How can this be? Is this English-ness? Is this apathy? Is this a tolerance thing? Is it tolerable to hear how children are dying because of an arguement over land and religion as a means to power and control? I feel the answer to this is "yes" - because we are flooded with the news all the time. We are becoming hardened to war atrocities, because it is something happening far, far away, and it doesn't affect us, at all. Does it?
You know what? It does! It bloody well does, you know. Why?
The fact that someone is more bothered about the weather in their town than fighting and killing going on in another part of the world, is a worrying symptom of how our societies are becoming disconnected with each other. My ability to continue to empathise and feel the need to help relies on my emotional intelligence, that which lights me up inside. How would I feel if I were in a refugee camp in Syria with my children? Not being able to go back to my home. How does it feel to be too scared to leave the house for fear of being raped, killed, or arrested? How does it feel to bury a child? How does it feel to lose everything in the blink of an eye? How does it feel if I forget my umbrella and it rains because I didn't listen to the weather report that day? I get wet: so what?
The thing is, it seems that there are more people who are willing to loudly complain about getting wet before they go home to shower and change into something warm and dry, than those who are shouting about the injustice in the world, and who are prepared to hold out their hand to help a fellow human being. A disproportionate power who want to seek revenge and kill, in comparison to those who are prepared to connect with themselves and others, and find out what has made them feel that urge and make a change. That's why we are all affected by apathy or a lack of empathy. I know that there are movements, campaigns, and positive ways in which social media is helping to influence societies and governments and those in power, but we need to make more of a connection with what's going on in the world, and pay attention. We are all affected in some way by the actions of others.
I was waiting to pay for my food in the supermarket a few days ago, where the store is being refurbished. It was quite busy, and there was an older couple behind me getting really cross and complaining about having to wait to pay for their trolley full of items, despite a free till which was for "baskets only". "So what?" I thought. "The man at the till is doing his job. There are a number of people walking around with baskets, and a larger number with trolleys stacked full of food".
The woman started to raise her voice in annoyance at this, referring to the "stupid idiot" at the till who had refused  to serve her. I wondered whether the young assistant had heard her, and if so, how he would have felt to be insulted like this. I made eye contact with her. The woman continued to complain. I smiled as I listened, then said, "Ah well...never mind. Let it go! There are worse things going on in the world, right now! A few extra minutes queueing won't do you any harm." She stopped in her tracks, took a step back from me, then whispered, "You're right. Of course not." She was so wrapped up in her own head, thoughts, irritation, that everything else had become insignificant. But given an opportunity to see another view, she made a connection with her own feelings, and realised that it didn't really matter, in the grand scheme of things. After I'd paid for my food, I went up to the woman, and wished her a lovely weekend. She smiled back at me and wished me the same. Ta-da! Connection made: spark turned into sparkle. Job done!

This is what this blog post is really about: taking a moment to step back from a situation and connect with your self. Just a moment to track what's going on, back to the "spark", and decide whether it is a sparkle to light your inner glow (that which makes you shine); whether that spark starts an unstoppable fire (that which provokes a sense of a need for revenge or retribution); or whether that spark should be extinguished before it causes any damage (the awareness of negative feelings and acknowledgement  before letting them go without consequence). And if it ain't gonna make you shine brightly enough for others to see and share their light with yours, then don't set the sparks off in the first place. As Ghandi said, "You must be the change you want to see in the world".

Plant For Peace

Plant For Peace
- Buy a flower, shrub or seed and plant it in your garden or into a pot or window box - somewhere you (and others) will be able to see it daily, and watch it grow
- Dedicate it to all living beings in the world 
- Place the intention of peace, happiness and love upon the plant for the world
- Place the intention of an end to world conflict through the growth of love and peace and watch it grow
- Say a blessing or prayer
- nurture your plant with everything it needs to grow, bless it daily, feel gratitude for its growth, and for its place in your world
- Visualise the roots bedding into the earth, spreading the peace through the soil and beyond
- Dedicate the growth to peace in your life and around the world
- Whenever you see the plant, invoke a sense of peace within yourself
- Share the plant by taking cuttings and giving to friends and family, asking them to do the steps above
- Share this post far and wide: get planting for peace on earth!
Thank You All