Letting in the light, letting in the dark

Today in the northern hemisphere, it's the winter solstice - the shortest day, the longest night. As I write it's just after 4pm: where I live, the sky is a milky gloom above muddy fields and a chalky blue, calm sea.

We are being enveloped in a velvety darkness which can be both of comfort and of a heaviness, resting upon the shoulders of those who feel its burden; or feeling wrapped in a blanket of peace and restfulness. Regardless of how you see it, the winter solstice offers us all the opportunity to go within ourselves and visit the shadows, to experience the darker side of ourselves. We can reflect on our year, looking at the difficulties we have faced, what we have learned from them, how we take these experiences forward in our lives. Then we can lighten those burdens by accepting those difficulties and learning to let go. Take some time to sit in silence, meditating on these, or by writing them down. When you do so, invite yourself to let go either by taking some deep, abdominal breaths to release tension in your body where you may have been holding on to stuff in your body and mind. You can either then visualise breathing out the tension and as you breathe in, taking in bright colours of light around your body; or burn your piece of paper. In both cases, sit with the intention of gratitude for the experiences you have faced and let go of the sense of difficulty.

If you've had your best year yet, and you have much to celebrate, sit in reflection and feel that pride and joy within you and around you. Share that light to cast away those shadows. You can embrace the other side of the solstice, the other half of our selves: summer solstice, for those in the southern hemisphere, who will be celebrating the longest day, tomorrow. Here in winter time, from tomorrow the days become longer, the nights become shorter. We can begin to look at what we can plant and grow in the coming months, to look forward to those vibrant days where the sunlight warms our bones and fills us with a different energy.This is a day for reflecting on the seeds sown, reaping rewards and the warmth and brilliance of the light, which helps us grow.

In either case, gratitude invites acceptance and offers happiness and satisfaction. As hard as it may be to do so, even a tiny glimmer of positivity can offer hope, not just for yourself, but to others.

Where we have hope, we can invite peace into our hearts, into our lives and can grow and share this with others. If we all do so, we have a chance to bring in Peace On Earth.

Nikki Harman is a mindfulness coach, Connected Kids™ tutor and trainer, and a registered nurse working within the NHS.

nikki@innerspaceproject.com

innerspaceproject.com

Trust or Trussed?

Tru(th)    st(ep)

Trust – the ability to see the truth above perceptions, whilst walking a step at a time, knowing that all is well in that moment, accepting that it is safe to be your authentic self.

Trust gives us the ability to see the truth above the perceptions and take steps to bring our dreams to fruition.

Trust gives us the courage to believe in ourselves and walk our true path, one step at a time…

Trussed means that we are being restricted by our own self-limiting thoughts, or the perceived beliefs of others, which, prevent our growth (moving forward) and change.
“Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn’t know it so it goes on flying anyway” ~ Mary Kay Ash

This is one of my favourite, inspiring quotes, and one I use regularly to help me keep my trust in myself. Trust is like a belief: If you believe something will happen, you put your trust in it. If you trust in something, you have faith that it will happen.

When it comes to making decisions – any decisions which have the potential to cause ripples in life – it often feels easier to ignore it: in other words, to sit back in the sofa, to remain in “the groove”. But this is where we create more problems for ourselves. If we lean back and try to pretend something is perfectly fine as it is, we are at risk of becoming a prisoner of our own choice. We are “trussed up” in apathy, fear, or indecisiveness, which are the ties that bind us from the freedom of leaning forward, standing up and then taking the steps ahead.
Trust in the process of our individual lives arises when we are prepared to lean into the discomfort we feel and experience along the way. If we are being true to our selves, if we are being authentic in our decisions, then we can take the steps forward.
So, where are you, right now? Are you experiencing trust, or are you feeling trussed?

Time (back in the summer!)

Sometimes things get overwhelming. I have had a very busy weekend, as a single parent juggling work, life, fun, chaos and challenges. We all face these moments in life: my offering here is to encourage you to stop for a few minutes.

By the way, what I didn’t really cover in the video, is that some people tend to believe that mindfulness and meditation means we should be clear of thought. This is not the case: it means being able to acknowledge the thoughts that are going on in our minds without attaching ourselves to them and being caught up in that whirling swirling process of one thought to the next, but stepping back and observing the thoughts. Often this can bring about a sense of peace and clarity, which is what I needed to do, today. Although I have been practising living mindfully for a long while, I still find myself being snared up in thoughts and the subsequent emotions – at this point being able to acknowledge them without placing any judgement on the self is important – rather than allowing the mental chatter and feelings to dominate my reactions and subsequent actions.

Five Mindful Activities To Do With Your Child

It was a Sunday afternoon. My children were feeling out of sorts for a number of reasons. My son, age 6, was upset and angry. My daughter, age 10, was feeling tired and emotional. I spent time with each of them, comforting them and hugging them, listening to them explaining their feelings, and helping them make sense of themselves. This went on for some time, with my son being particularly upset. After a while, I decided it would be a good idea to change the pitch, a little. So I suggested they make some tray cake, which they love doing. My son, who still felt upset and frustrated, got to work on demolishing a packet of digestive biscuits – first of all bashing them with a rolling pin (the big heavy one, not the smaller pastry one!), then breaking the broken biscuits down into smaller pieces with his hands. My daughter enjoyed melting the chocolate, with the added bonus of being able to lick the bowl clean afterwards.

This activity was more than just a distraction for my tired, upset and emotional children. It was a mindful process for both of them. They were each able to quietly think about what was upsetting them, releasing their feelings and frustrations in a way that wasn’t destructive for them or anyone around them, without overtly paying attention to them – being self-judgemental – enjoying the process and sensations, with the end result of something tasty to eat. Exploring feelings in this way removes an expectation from the adult, that the child will communicate their feelings, or “calm down” – something I find myself saying a lot to my children, but try to avoid – why should they inhibit their own feelings because it isn’t convenient for the adult? Children can learn to self-regulate in other ways, and should be encouraged to find soothing methods in a safe, supervised way.

By the time the tray cake had been placed into the fridge to chill, my son felt calm and happier. He expressed his upset, saying that he still felt some sadness about the original reason, but instead of internalising it, he had expressed it verbally, then worked his way through his feelings by banging the rolling pin, squashing biscuits, stirring up and laying the mix out in front of him to see. He actually gave a big, ragged sigh as he finished adding the mix to the tray, showing he was releasing his frustrations. A mindful activity for an active mind.

Here are five activities to try with your child when they are feeling emotional, frustrated, or finding something difficult to express. You should be with your child to support them in a non-judgemental, loving way. Most importantly, you know your child better than anyone, so choose an activity with them that you know will be enjoyable and rewarding for both of you.

1. Making Bread

As I described above, baking and cooking is great for releasing tensions and emotions. Bread-making can be so rewarding, as it is such a physically demanding, frustrating (sticky, messy) activity to do when kneading and rolling out the dough; then an act of patience whilst waiting for the dough to rise and prove; but the reward of the aroma of freshly-baked bread, the sight of the golden crust, followed by the wonderful taste of warm bread to share proudly with friends and family is a powerful visual evaluation for the child or teen – look what can be done when you concentrate on something, using the essential skills of persistence, patience and physical strength. A very symbolic, enjoyable activity.

2. Drawing

This picture was drawn by my son when he was feeling really upset (I should explain here that he did give me consent to use this photo here). I asked him to draw how he was feeling, because he was having trouble expressing his feelings and thoughts verbally. I left him at the kitchen table whilst I “pottered around” (i.e. keeping an eye from a respectable distance, to give him some space without feeling like he was being watched or judged). Initially, he drew the sad child, which was of himself. I then explained that I loved him and wanted to help him. Together we drew hearts around him, to show that the sad child was surrounded by lots of love, including, crucially, his own love, too. This might sound like new-age hippy stuff, but it is a powerful visual for a child. He was visibly reassured by this picture when we had finished. I have worked with children and their parents in this way, too – drawing out feelings, fears, even what their pain looks like – is a great way to communicate to the outside world their internal feelings, which can be very difficult for children and teens to articulate. Drawing after practising the body-scan technique, used in mindfulness to tap into and be aware of how the body feels in a non-judgemental way, can be used, too. Adults can also do this.

3. Mindful Eating

Place a few bowls containing a range of different foods (preferably foods your child likes, but also place something they may have never tried, in a bowl, too) on the table and spend some time trying them with your child. You could try tasting the food using all the senses to start with. If my children are trying something for the first time, I guide them to experience it in this order:

1. Look at it. What does it look like? (be prepared for them to say “yucky” or something similar, but don’t dwell on that, just accept their judgement without judging them)

2. Touch it. What does it feel like? Be prepared for a similar answer as above, but also ask them to come up with some descriptive analysis!

3. Smell it. Ask the child to hold it to their nose and take in a big breath to smell. Ask them if it smells different when they close their eyes

4. Lick it. Ask the child to lick the food as if it were an ice lolly – can they taste any differences on the different parts of the tongue?

5. Bite it. Watch their reactions, and then ask them what they can taste.

6. Eat it! If they don’t like it, let them spit it out again, and praise them for following the steps above – it’s a big achievement for some children, so avoid drawing attention to the spitting out part if they didn’t like it – it can take anumber of attempts at trying a new food before a child realises they like it.

For older children and teens, exploring the ideas of how a fruit was grown, harvested and then arrived at the kitchen table is another form of mindful eating

4. Create an intention box

In our house we created this box, and filled it with our own intentions. We thought about what we’d like to achieve in any given day, and wrote them down. We thought of the kinds of things we know well and love to do, as well as things we don’t always enjoy so much but know are important for us. We also thought about things we’d like to do if we felt brave enough. The intentions are just that: the important thing to remember is that it is something the child “intends” to do, but is not obligated or forced to do it. It is designed to motivate a child to do something if they feel they want to/feel brave to try something new, or wants a focus for their day.

Examples include:

Today I will have an extra glass of water

Today at school I will offer play with someone I don’t know very well (to make a new friend)

Today I will try my best

Today I will be brave

At the end of the day, we sit down together and talk about how we got on. I pick out a card, too. It’s not always easy! But the idea is that it sets some focus on the day, places an intention – not an expectation – and it is then up to the individual to explore how or if they meet their intention, knowing that there is no judgement of the self or from others, regardless of how they got on.

5. Relax

Spending time doing nothing can be difficult as an adult, as well as for a child. But it is a great mindful activity to be able to lie down, and observe thoughts as they come and go. Learning to detach an expectation (judgement) of ourselves once the thought has entered our minds is a skill known as open monitoring meditation. If you were to lie on a warm patch of grass on a sunny day and watch the clouds go by, after a while you are likely to find your mind drifting, with different thoughts entering your head. With open monitoring, your thoughts are like the clouds, whereby you observe them, then watch them passing over you. We are so used to having our minds full of things we need to/should be doing, with the judgement and expectations of ourselves to fulfill these thoughts. In open monitoring, the expectation and judgement is suspended. Allowing children to have the free space and time to do this is vital, especially when it comes to exams or school pressures. If you do this with your child, don’t expect them to lie perfectly still! Let them fidget, move around the floor, sit up/lie down – this is a way of expending extra pent-up energy. If they are particularly fidgety, you could try doing some star-jumps or push-ups before lying down, even create a designated “den” or “quiet space” for them to go to when they have finished jumping around. Make it a technology-free space though – for you and your child.

Nikki Harman is a Connected Kids tutor who works with children and adults, teaching mindfulness and meditation. Contact Nikki at innerspaceproject1@gmail.com for more information or to book a session.

Muuum, I Can't Sleep!

“Muuum, I can’t sleep!”
I’m sure every parent in the land hears that at some point. It’s easy to get frustrated when repeated efforts to get your child to stay in bed and go to sleep fail. But how do you feel if you have a hard time getting to sleep? The chances are that your child is feeling the same way.
If all attempts to get your child to doze off fail, ask your child if there’s something on their mind they’d like to talk about. Sometimes it might be a repetitive thought, word, song or an event that had occurred during the day, which your child might, for whatever reason, be struggling to let go of. At night, we are most receptive to our thoughts (positive and negative) because things are generally calmer and quieter. Writing stuff down in the form of to “to-do” lists, journaling or even sketching can help adults, so if your older child is really struggling, why not ask them to write all their “inside words” on a piece of paper or draw what’s on their mind, then place it in a box, or fold it and put away to read another time?
Once this has been done, deliberately soften your voice and talk slowly, to help your child hear the relaxed tone in your voice (as frustrating as you might find it that you want to get on and do your own thing when your child is in bed, shouting at them will be counter-productive and you will be in your child’s room for longer, or they will become more unsettled). Asking them to lie in the bed and get cosy and snuggle conjures up images that the child is likely to respond to. Then ask them to breathe in and out slowly, have a big yawn to let any excess energy go, and ask them to count their breaths back from 5 to 0, relaxing different parts of their body as they go (you will need to adjust this depending how old your child is).
It’s also important to tap in to how you are feeling, being present in your mind and acknowledging your own feelings to release. Sometimes we have to forgo our own needs to help our children, as hard to accept as that might be. Having spent years of “shh-pat-ting” my babies and toddlers (and tweenager!) to sleep, I know how hard it can be to stay calm and not allow frustration to get the better of me when I haven’t stopped all day and want to relax. But as the saying goes: “this too shall pass!” Here is some useful information about helping children sleep

What are your mindful, gentle tips for helping your child get to sleep?

I teach children mindfulness and meditation. Please contact me to book a session or to find out more. Innerspaceproject1@gmail.com

Cool and refreshing

The sea is great for washing away tension…it’s good for the soul! The water was chilly but refreshing; the sea-weed cushioned my feet from shells and pebbles, and softly washed away my worries with gentleness and care. I synchronised my breath to the waves as they moved towards me and away, again, reminding me that there is always flow, that nothing stays still, there is always movement.

As I drank in the blues and pale greens of sea and sky, I felt a surge of gratitude for the elements and for the beautiful part of the world where I live. Bird song, which today replaced the sharp, stern tones of sea gulls, was kindly and joyful. A blessing for me, of which I am thankful.
If you can, try to get your feet into the water today. If you’re not near the sea, book yourself some down time (even 10 mins will help), fill a bowl with salt water (preferably sea salt or even Himalayan pink salt), and soak your soles for a relaxing, rejuvenating experience.
Enjoy the moment! X

Mindful Walks

One sunny Sunday in May was perfect for some mindful walking up at Durlston Country Park in Swanage. We are blessed with breathtaking views of the Jurassic Coast, beautiful meadows and fields, and a multitude of wildlife, here: the perfect backdrop for some mindfulness and meditation. We took off our socks and shoes, (when was the last time anyone did this as an adult?)  lay in the grass and walked mindfully alongside the meadow, rich in colour and beauty. So much to feed our senses, cultivate inner peace and connect with that which supports us.

My gift to everyone who came along was to leave feeling contentment, joy and happiness. I hope that this gift was received as intended. People certainly left looking relaxed and happy!

Thank you to Dave Pratten for your help and to Ali Tuckey,  the Durlston Country Park ranger for organising the events, and to all who came along. I ran a further two sessions in the park, which were enjoyed by all. 

The next Mindful Walk  is on Sunday 13 March 2016 at 10.30 and costs £5. Booking is essential, contact Durlston Country Park on (01929) 424443 or
info@durlston.co.uk

Pressure

Imagine the scene: You are out shopping with your young children. You are in a busy shopping centre: it’s 2pm on Christmas eve; it seems as though the whole world is within the confines of the hot, crowded space. People are jostling around you; conversations heard between one person and the next as you pass echo the thoughts in your head: “I still need to buy 3 more presents, I also need to get sprouts and toilet roll and I’ve only got an hour before the stores close”.

You feel hungry and thirsty but you don’t have time to stop. Your children are over-excited, and aren’t listening to you as you instruct them to stay with you, so you are constantly keeping an eye on them. They frequently stop to look at shop windows, fully-laden with enticing-looking toys designed for maximum pester-power. One child points at something and asks if they can have it. When you say “No” a fresh round of questions and pleading ensues. Meanwhile, the swirl of shoppers around you distracts you from your other child, who has been swept along somewhere. You can no longer see them. Heavily laden with bags, you grab the child who is still pleading for a toy, as you feel the mounting panic reach maximum. You have lost your child in the busy shopping centre on Christmas eve.

How do you feel?

Imagine that…

…You feel hot and sweaty.

…You feel dizzy and your mouth is dry.

…You start shaking.

…You can hear a buzzing in your ears. Your head is throbbing.

…Your arms feel weak with fear and the weight of the bags you are carrying. Your legs seem to have turned to jelly.

You can hear yourself shouting your child’s name, but the noise around you and the sound of the buzzing in your ears begins to drown out other sounds.

You must find your other child.

You feel the panic rising in your chest and stomach.

As you look frantically around you, you catch sight of your crying child just ahead of you, being comforted by a stranger. You run to them, grab your child and hug them in relief. You thank the stranger, who leaves you to join the swirl of the crowd.

How do you feel now, and what do you do next?

OK, so this is an extreme scenario, but I designed it to give you a chance to really feel the physical effects of what you were asked to imagine. Did you feel any of the effects? Well, I can tell you that if you felt any of the panic or fear rising within you during the scenario, then it is possible that you can just as easily feel relaxed and calm if you were to imagine a different scenario:

Begin by sitting comfortably. Place your hand on your tummy. Close your eyes, or focus on something directly in front of you. Notice your breathing, and after a few breaths, take the breath deeper into your lungs, down towards your hand. Feel the hand moving outwards as you fill your lungs with air. As you let the breath out, don’t force it, just allow it to happen. Wait for the next breath to come in, slow and lengthen it as you take it to your tummy.

Now imagine It is a sunny day in the park or in your garden. You are standing barefoot on some lush, green, warm grass. You can feel the blades of grass between your toes. The warmth of the grass permeating the soles of your feet. The ground is supporting your feet as you are standing still, listening to the sounds of birds in the trees, the gentle rustling of leaves in the warm summer breeze, bees nearby humming as they pass from flower to flower. The warmth of the grass on your feet as you stand still and listen. The warmth of the sun around you gently blessing your skin with a relaxing touch that reassures you that all is well in this moment.

Imagine that warmth throughout your body. Sit quietly and soak it up for a few minutes.

Then, when you are ready, take a few deeper breaths and say to yourself “all is well with me right now” before you open your eyes. Smile to yourself.

How do you feel now? I must say at this point that if you found this harder than the stressful scenario, don’t worry! The chances are, that if you are affected by stress, it is because your brain expects stress and responds more readily than the measures you can take to feel the opposite.

That’s why regularly taking some time out to meditate can have a beneficial effect on the brain. When we feel stressed, our body releases stress hormones which causes our heart to beat faster, our breath to become shallow and fast, and our blood pressure to increase. Focusing on the breath and being “in the moment” has been shown to reduce blood pressure. Another study showed how meditating before a stressful event had a beneficial effect on stress levels, even in those who had never practised before. And if you are a multi-tasker, frequently changing tacks increases stress levels, but one study showed that meditating decreased stress and increased effectiveness of tasks with increased concentration levels, as well.

My post from yesterday explained how to differentiate between a healthy state of mind, to recognising the need to reset before reaching panic mode, or hitting the emergency button.

So here are just a few benefits of practising mindfulness and meditation. A key to success is finding what works for you, as there are so many different disciplines. As a nurse I am using meditation techniques with my patients in various situations to help them, with interesting and positive results. I can also vouch for myself as a practitioner of mindfulness and meditation – from boiling an egg, to running up a hill or overcoming insomnia, there is a place for these techniques in many aspects of life – with great results!

Nikki Harman is a nurse working in the NHS; and mindfulness and meditation tutor to adults and children. Contact innerspaceproject1@gmail.com for more information about courses or sessions either face to face or over Skype.

A Moment

In the quiet of your mind, in the silence of your thoughts, you can be completely with the moment. There is no judgement in the present: the presence of your mind simply allows you to drift through, second by second.

In each second, a murmuring of thoughts or ideas can rush to you, consume you, engulf you; or you can choose to acknowledge the burst and see it wash over you, or pass you by like a cloud in the sky. See each thought as a gift to yourself: the process of thought is one that only you can control, and is yours to accept and allow to pass by without judgement; or one to hold on to and keep. It is not for I nor another to tell you how to use this thought, it is not for me to tell you how that thought will affect your whole Self.

The gift is not really in the thought, but in the deed of your own action, and the consequences once the choice has been made.

 The gift is not in the action, but in your own Self, because you are your own thoughts, you are your own deeds, you are your own consciousness.

The gift is your life, of which You Are. You are the Life, you are your own Truth, you own your own Path.

As you live each day, be the one you long to be. Be the kindness you want to see in others; be the love you want to feel. Love yourself unconditionally as you love others. Be as gentle with yourself as you would be with a newborn baby, and feel that soft connection of who you are within.  Walk each moment knowing that you have created that step in your whole self, putting one foot in front of the other, as well as the steps in your mind as you act out your thoughts and decisions. Just be.

So in each passing moment, be accepting of who you are just in that second, holding no judgement of the thoughts that come to mind, but live it knowing that these thoughts are the essence of who you are. 

Presence

There have been frequent occasions where, whilst on a run, I have been greeted by this wonderful sight. The sun, reflecting on the ocean as a silvery-white glow, its gentle yet persistent beams striking through the clouds. Today's view, however, got to me so much I was almost breathless with awe (and it was not the result of running away from the inquisitive cattle in the adjacent field).
There was just something about the scene that was so powerful I could feel it in my chest, a rush of love and happiness to be able to witness the beauty that was there, in front of me. Free for anyone who could see it, to soak up the gift the eye gives to the soul. Who could look at this and not feel a stirring in their heart? The simple pleasure of being able to tune in to the surroundings and experience that moment of happiness.
I stood still, and drank up everything around me: the crisp, cool breeze that danced around the field; the chattering birdsong, mingled with the occasional "moo" from behind the hedgerow, and the loud sighs of waves meeting land; the delicate salty smell lingering in the air and the taste on my lips; the contrast of the dark blue sea, the heavy clouds, against the green of the fields and the striking sunlight on the water. I stood still, and took everything in. A few moments of stillness, where I closed my eyes, and listened to myself. I could only hear the quiet of my breath, and the joy of the moment, a tangible sense of peace for myself, the words "thank you" whispering in my mind, and gratitude for everything around me. What more could I ask for, at such a moment, other than the gift of presence?

Child's play

Two giggly voices are echoing around the room, interspersed with the sound of paintbrushes dabbing furiously onto paper, and accented by the occasional SPLAT! of bare feet jumping up and down on the spot. This is the activity of two children painting, first thing on a Sunday morning. Oblivious to the November wind and driving rain outside, they are fully immersed in painting a forest: this one has purple, red and green apples growing there. Aw, how sweet! It also contains poo, but we won't dwell on that...

As the two friends continue to paint, they are unaware of everything else around them. I wonder if they would even notice if a horse clip-clopped its way across the kitchen, as they are really enjoying the act of creating this picture, together.

When they finish, they stand back a bit and admire their work. I ask them to imagine being in the forest: they immediately press their noses against the paper and try to get into the picture. "can you imagine how those apples smell" I ask them, and they both take in a big breath through their noses, as if to smell the fruit. Then they are done; they abandon their work of art, and run off to engage in the next activity, the painting forgotten in an instant, and replaced with the next delight.

It's easy to be a child in terms of living in the moment: to focus the mind and the body completely on whatever it is they are doing, block out the outside world, and totally immerse themselves in their present experience. If you've ever got involved in a task and become completely focused on it - then looked at the clock and surprised yourself by the unnoticed passage of time - this is what young children are like for most of their day. Lucky them: I might have to try it, myself!

Mindfulness in hospital

Last week, I reached a milestone for my work. I ran a taster session for staff at the hospital where I work as a nurse, under my business as The Inner Space Project.
It was a seemingly small step, but I was so excited about it. For a start, more people than I had expected wanted to come along and find out about it. The session seemed to go down well with those who had come along, and crucially, they want more! I taught a series of activities based on focusing and visualisation, and ended with a relaxing meditation. I got some appreciative feedback, for which I am grateful for. It was a great session!

You see, I believe my role in nursing goes much deeper than the clinical everyday nursing stuff - this is important, don't get me wrong. But I want to weave the deeper stuff into my work, and I believe that others can do this, too, and have a positive influence not just on themselves or their patients, but within the department they work. I am full of ideas about how I can bring my clinical practice and my mindfulness into alignment, and use accordingly - and I am chomping at the bit to get it going!

The deepest thread amongst everything I do as a nurse (and in life) is to form a connection with others, and teach them to do the same, but also connect with themselves. I feel that our own inner voices often sabotage our good deeds to ourselves, and if that's happening on an internal level, it is being reflected externally, as well. At the centre of everything, the most important things to remember, are that we love ourselves, we are gentle with ourselves, and we forgive ourselves. If we can turn down the white noise, the noise that jeopardizes these kind and essential deeds, then we can start to influence others in the same way. What happens after that is connection, fulfilment and joy. A crazy, hippy ideology, maybe - but who says we can't try?!

If you'd like to find out more, please contact me at innerspaceproject1@gmail.com

Spark or Sparkle? Get connected!

I've been reading the latest reports on what's happening in our world, this week. Ebola; the conflict in Gaza; Syria; Ukraine and Russia; misguided/greedy/clueless politicians around the world making decisions affecting their country and not listening the the masses; then there's the rising obesity, cancers, poverty, famine, the global economy; the death of Robin Williams. All of the above interspersed with adverts trying to influence what car I should buy, what I should be wearing, where I should be holidaying, and how to be thin. Social commentary on facebook/twitter about the above, and the radio making sure views are adhered to. Or to give people a chance to rant about a subject. No wonder I'm feeling glum. In the time it's taken me to even type this list, I'm feeling lower than before I started.
This can't be how life is supposed to be...is it? Are we all hard-wired to strive for our own individual wants, over and above what others needs are? At what point did the human race move from looking after their basic needs - as being satisfactory to a happy life - to tearing apart someone else's to satisfy one?
 I know this is not the case: the outpouring of grief over Robin William's apparent suicide has been immense, and why? Because he was a fantastically funny human being, who demonstrated his ultimate fragility. A fragility which exists inside all of us. His death has struck a chord with many.
What's happening in the middle east is becoming a prominent news feature every day, and as such is no longer hard-hitting. A couple of weeks ago, whilst eating breakfast in a hotel dining room, the TV was showing the BBC news and weather. As the news items rolled, it reported the latest death toll of the Palestinians: nobody moved. Nobody watched the item. Heads down, shovelling in their food. A moment later, and the weather forecast came on the screen: heads swivelled to watch in anticipation of how hot it was going to be, and whether raincoat or sunscreen would be required, for the day. A hush fell in the room. As soon as the report had finished, people went back to eating. How can this be? Is this English-ness? Is this apathy? Is this a tolerance thing? Is it tolerable to hear how children are dying because of an arguement over land and religion as a means to power and control? I feel the answer to this is "yes" - because we are flooded with the news all the time. We are becoming hardened to war atrocities, because it is something happening far, far away, and it doesn't affect us, at all. Does it?
You know what? It does! It bloody well does, you know. Why?
The fact that someone is more bothered about the weather in their town than fighting and killing going on in another part of the world, is a worrying symptom of how our societies are becoming disconnected with each other. My ability to continue to empathise and feel the need to help relies on my emotional intelligence, that which lights me up inside. How would I feel if I were in a refugee camp in Syria with my children? Not being able to go back to my home. How does it feel to be too scared to leave the house for fear of being raped, killed, or arrested? How does it feel to bury a child? How does it feel to lose everything in the blink of an eye? How does it feel if I forget my umbrella and it rains because I didn't listen to the weather report that day? I get wet: so what?
The thing is, it seems that there are more people who are willing to loudly complain about getting wet before they go home to shower and change into something warm and dry, than those who are shouting about the injustice in the world, and who are prepared to hold out their hand to help a fellow human being. A disproportionate power who want to seek revenge and kill, in comparison to those who are prepared to connect with themselves and others, and find out what has made them feel that urge and make a change. That's why we are all affected by apathy or a lack of empathy. I know that there are movements, campaigns, and positive ways in which social media is helping to influence societies and governments and those in power, but we need to make more of a connection with what's going on in the world, and pay attention. We are all affected in some way by the actions of others.
I was waiting to pay for my food in the supermarket a few days ago, where the store is being refurbished. It was quite busy, and there was an older couple behind me getting really cross and complaining about having to wait to pay for their trolley full of items, despite a free till which was for "baskets only". "So what?" I thought. "The man at the till is doing his job. There are a number of people walking around with baskets, and a larger number with trolleys stacked full of food".
The woman started to raise her voice in annoyance at this, referring to the "stupid idiot" at the till who had refused  to serve her. I wondered whether the young assistant had heard her, and if so, how he would have felt to be insulted like this. I made eye contact with her. The woman continued to complain. I smiled as I listened, then said, "Ah well...never mind. Let it go! There are worse things going on in the world, right now! A few extra minutes queueing won't do you any harm." She stopped in her tracks, took a step back from me, then whispered, "You're right. Of course not." She was so wrapped up in her own head, thoughts, irritation, that everything else had become insignificant. But given an opportunity to see another view, she made a connection with her own feelings, and realised that it didn't really matter, in the grand scheme of things. After I'd paid for my food, I went up to the woman, and wished her a lovely weekend. She smiled back at me and wished me the same. Ta-da! Connection made: spark turned into sparkle. Job done!

This is what this blog post is really about: taking a moment to step back from a situation and connect with your self. Just a moment to track what's going on, back to the "spark", and decide whether it is a sparkle to light your inner glow (that which makes you shine); whether that spark starts an unstoppable fire (that which provokes a sense of a need for revenge or retribution); or whether that spark should be extinguished before it causes any damage (the awareness of negative feelings and acknowledgement  before letting them go without consequence). And if it ain't gonna make you shine brightly enough for others to see and share their light with yours, then don't set the sparks off in the first place. As Ghandi said, "You must be the change you want to see in the world".

Plant For Peace

Plant For Peace
- Buy a flower, shrub or seed and plant it in your garden or into a pot or window box - somewhere you (and others) will be able to see it daily, and watch it grow
- Dedicate it to all living beings in the world 
- Place the intention of peace, happiness and love upon the plant for the world
- Place the intention of an end to world conflict through the growth of love and peace and watch it grow
- Say a blessing or prayer
- nurture your plant with everything it needs to grow, bless it daily, feel gratitude for its growth, and for its place in your world
- Visualise the roots bedding into the earth, spreading the peace through the soil and beyond
- Dedicate the growth to peace in your life and around the world
- Whenever you see the plant, invoke a sense of peace within yourself
- Share the plant by taking cuttings and giving to friends and family, asking them to do the steps above
- Share this post far and wide: get planting for peace on earth!
Thank You All 

Meditating Play

I love these big bowl swings. I find my inner child coming out to play whenever I'm near one: there's nothing like sitting in the swing, and the feeling of swaying back and forth through the air. Today we went to the park for a play, and opportunistically, I gave a guided meditation.
Being comfortable, lying in the swing, and being aware of the feeling of the pull of the earth as the swing sways back and forth. The body being pulled down and up as the swing moves. Breathing easily and slowly, in time to the sway. Closing the eyes, to really experience the feelings of movement; and that barely perceptable pause before the swing moves in the opposite direction. Each sway is a moment in time. Experience that present moment, before it's gone and replaced by the next. Like a clock ticking: tick...tock...
Each moment is different to the next. Each sway is slightly slower, slightly shorter. A fraction of time slower. As the swing continues swaying, so the present is ever changing, so the moment is different. Focusing on each moment. Each sway leaves a greater feeling of calm, of peace. Relaxing into the seat. A constant change. A constant movement, whilst the body stays still, the mind is quiet. Feeling the body react to each sway, slowing down...slower...slower...almost still. Quietly resting, a tiny movement in the swing. Calm, slow breaths, calm, quiet mind. Peace. Being held in the air, supported by the swing as it gently moves in the breeze. Quietly resting in body and mind, feeling calm and peaceful. Happy.