Variety Is The Spice Of Life

Your beliefs become your thoughts, 

Your thoughts become your words, 

Your words become your actions, 

Your actions become your habits, 

Your habits become your values, 

Your values become your destiny. 

Mahatma Ghandi

I bought a spice tin, recently. I filled it with my favourite spices, enjoying the sights and aromas of each, as my kitchen began to smell like an Indian restaurant, with rich, heavenly scents wafting (albeit piercing through my heavy cold) as I spooned each spice into the container. I felt uplifted by the golds and reds as the stainless steel tin reflected the colours. 

It honestly doesn't take much to make me happy,  and although I may be considered a little bit eccentric, I am happy to have a spice tin, because every time I use it the colours will make me smile, the aromas will fill me with anticipation for the meal I'm about to successfully make (I hope); and because it reminds me of the well-known phrase,

 "Variety is the spice of life". 

To me, the spice tin represents the alchemy, magic, the excitement of what I am choosing to make in my life. It's been a rough couple of years for me. I've had to get right out of my comfort zone and make difficult choices and decisions. The simplest thing would have been to carry on as I was, to continue to think the same way I had been:

 "I can't", 

"It's too hard",

 "I'm no good at this",

 "I will fail"

etc.

Instead, I chose (well, really I was left with no choice but to do something about the situation I was in) to change. Instead of thinking the same thoughts every day, I became motivated by change, by discomfort, by fear. Yes, fear changed my thoughts, because for a long time the fear was in control of these thoughts and about my reluctance to change. But when I mindfully worked through these fears, I realised that I was able to put that fear to good use. I once read somewhere (apologies to whoever it was, but I have forgotten who said it) that "fear is our own potential pushing back at us" - in other words, what holds us back is our own self-limiting beliefs (thoughts) that stop us from moving forwards. 

I used to live each day with this negative monologue in my mind. I never want to go back there! This is so much better:

"I believe in myself"

"I have the power to change"

"I trust in myself and my abilities"

"I have the ability to make things right and good in my life"

"I love life and life loves me"

etc.

Each time I come across an obstacle, I allow the negative self-talk to come up, because it is still a part of me that exists - but instead of buying into it, I acknowledge it, then answer it positively. This is the part of me which exists to reach my potential, and reach my goals, which include believing that we are all intrinsically good, kind people, but there are those who act out of fear, and those who choose to act out of love. We each have a choice every day about which aspects we are going to pay more attention to.

Variety is the spice of life. Why not get out of your comfort zone and find out where you can go?

I am writing a book about finding our own potential through mindfulness and meditation activities; and have started teaching a course alongside it, too. If you're interested, get in touch: innerspaceproject1@gmail.com

S T R E N G T H

In the past year I have gone through a marriage break-up; launched my work as The Mindful Nurse; got into the knack of being a single parent; and continued my part time work as a nurse. I am taking on other responsibilities as well, and I am doing up bits of the house that needed attention, in between cooking; reading stories, going for walks, climbing trees, counselling and having loving cuddles with my children, taking them here, there, and everywhere for after school activities and taken them for various hospital appointments; writing the book I have been trying to get out of my head for a year; going through the process of divorce; unblocking my outside sewage drain in the pouring rain (several times) as well as self-taught a few other plumbing techniques to see me through the winter; started to collect tools for my own toolbox and can use confidently; and of course, very crucially, meditating.  I have pushed myself as far out of my comfort zone as I dare. I have tried to be as calm, compassionate, kind and as good a person that I could want to be during what has been a tremendous wrench out of where my life was a year ago, whilst still acknowledging my own sadness and confusion at the trauma which has unfolded.

It took me two years to build up the courage and the strength to be where I am, now. If I had been allowed a peak at myself now, back in 2013,  I could never have believed where my path has led to. Two years ago I was frightened, weak, dis-empowered and had some vision of what I wanted to do/be, but was too under-confident to pursue it. Although I was practising mindfulness and meditation, events in my life had somehow caused me to lose my way, like being in the deep, dark wood, unsure of which way to turn for the best. I knew I had to move in the right direction, but I had no idea of what it looked like.
I had to summon up the courage and strength to take brave steps forward. Things got really tough – heartbreakingly so -for all sorts of reasons. However, one baby step at a time, I gradually found a patch of brightness in these woods, which gave me some energy and power to take bigger, firmer steps which became strides.

Looking back at how things were one year ago, and who I am as a result, I can only put it down to the fact that, through using my mindfulness techniques, meditation, the odd glass of wine and a few amazing friends and family who have supported me through this whole process, I am nearly out of the woods and onto a clearer path. With flowers, birds, butterflies, fluffy rabbits and a merry tune that I can skip along to…

OK, that might be a bit far-fetched – but why not aim for that? One of my regular meditation techniques has involved powerful visualisations of what I want my life to look and feel like. I am therefore striding in that direction, in contrast to the deep, dark world that I am walking away from. Along the way I have encountered various and numerous events to trip me up; I have had traps I have walked into; I have walked into thick mud to pull myself out of. But I’m still walking towards the clearer path.

For me, being able to see that I am doing so much and trying so hard to get things right for myself and for everyone around me, shows me my strength. Two years ago I couldn’t see that, because I was simply too busy trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. What I thought was going on didn’t fit the bigger picture. Now I know that, so I  have given up trying to fit into the bigger picture. Instead I am creating my own.

When life gets tough, you may feel that you are not strong enough to handle it. But when you gather all the little bits of who you are, then fit these pieces together, you might be able to see that you are stronger than you thought you were. Strength brings structure; structure provides resilience.

Set-Up or Up-Set?

An essential part of being mindful is being present with your thoughts and feelings at any given moment. Some people regard mindfulness and meditation techniques as having to be clear of thoughts, have an empty mind, and be at peace. Whilst there is an element of this involved, this tends to come about as a result of practice. Even then, learning to be at peace with your thoughts and feelings in the moment, rather than having an empty mind, is key to being mindful.

It is not always possible to have an empty mind! The difference between being preoccupied with the thoughts and emotions buzzing within you, and the ability to observe the thoughts and emotions you are feeling, lies in how you perceive them. Learn to tap in to your feelings in a situation. Ask yourself if you feel that this is a healthy state; do you need to reset; or if there is an emergency brewing:

healthy: Being at peace in the moment – feeling calm, in control, happy with what’s going on within/around you

reset: Noticing that you are feeling uncomfortable, agitated, stressed or other emotions which are having a negative effect on you or those around you, and taking mindful steps to set up to a healthy state of mind again

emergency: have you hit the “panic button” – feeling out of control, scared, angry, or other emotions that are making you feel on high alert, impacting on your behaviour and thoughts

Being in the healthy state doesn’t necessarily mean having an empty mind: it means being able to accept the thoughts that you are experiencing, without allowing the attachment of emotions to dominate how you react to these thoughts. In other words, learn to separate the feelings associated with a negative thought. See the thought as a cloud, or imagine you are looking at the picture as an observer, rather than being drawn into the drama of the image or thought. Learn to feel at peace with the thought.

If you sense that your peace is becoming upset, pay attention to how you have set-up the situation. What do you need to change to feel healthy in your mind, again?

Don’t hit the red button: Hit the reset button, instead!

Nikki Harman is a nurse working in the NHS; and mindfulness and meditation tutor to adults and children. Contact innerspaceproject1@gmail.com for more information about courses or sessions either face to face or over Skype.